Elsewhere

Dedicated to Sean Cassidy.

The day that I was hit by the minivan was the day that Sean was transferred to our department. He later recalled affectionately that day that he started the day that I was put into emergency.

It was August 2004, the tenth I believe. The details of my accident, all too familiar with anyone that has been hit while riding a bike or come close will recognize the symptoms. Motorist with coffee in one hand, smoke in the other, rolling stop past the curb, cyclist riding on the sidewalk, bushes and fences covering the view of the corner. I was lucky to escape with my life that morning.

Cassidy was quiet and intelligent. We sparked up an instant connection. He, possessing two degrees one in film and the other in history was an able debating companion. There were many conversations regarding aspects of our job or our co workers as well as films, wars, video games, comics. I was a geek and Cassidy was too. It always made the day travel quickly to know that he would be working at the same time. The job had its grind but the friendship that we had developed was anything but.

There was talk of working on a project together, a film script or a graphic novel. It was difficult to fantasize about these things but never have them develop. Our time outside of work was too hectic, I was still finishing school and was more or less single, while he had a fiancée and a life apart in Oakville at the time. We would analyze instead. I had been down the, “lets start a project together” road before and found that it only made things difficult for future musings. Some things were better left un-said so the project went away. Time would pass and I eventually moved on. I left and he stayed. Moving from one department to another. It is safe to say at this point that I lost touch. It wasn’t that I had any intention of leaving anyone in the past. I had no recent number and had since developed a sort of phobia of visiting our place of employment. I had felt that that place was slightly cursed and had no intention of going back.

Though days, weeks, years pass my thoughts would drift to our friendship and I would wonder. In my mind I was always comforted by the fact that he is the type of person who always had friends around, people that would keep him company, and like other friends of mine who had gotten married, started a family and a home would be busy none the less with their own lives. I was comforted by the fact that they would have “no time” for me and that things were simply fine the way they were.

Looking back on this rationalization I know it was false, that any of this could be true if things were different, but they aren’t. And now I know that these types of rationalizations were something else, something where I wasn’t able to connect, I always wanted to visit and had decided many times that I would go, to this day I drive by my old work, on my way elsewhere usually with time to spare. I knew where I could park without paying, where I could walk over and see how he was doing, ask him about his family. I could have him paged if I couldn’t locate him. But I didn’t. Now all I have left are pieces, little memories, fond but fragments, used photocopies that will never be colour, never fresh.

The only option I have now is to hang on to them as tightly as possible, rework them, add some colour and hope that the copy lasts. Although he may be elsewhere now, I am here and thinking about him, remembering him and trying to cope with a sudden loss that will never make sense.

The House

It has been a very long time since my last blog. For those of you who read this from time to time may be interested in why it has been such a long time.

I have bought a house in Hamilton. This is something that was on the books for about six years. This March I looked at a house that fit the bill to the T. I bought it. This does sound not so complicated but I have a habit of making things complicated.

In order to be able to afford this house I had to find a power of sale and a fixer upper. This ended up being a house that was partially gutted, entirely replaced top floor minus a kitchen and a bathroom. The Rollercoaster started in March. Because it was a power of sale, it had been vacant for over a year it was impossible to get a mortgage from the banks (oh yea and no toilet or kitchen). The vendor didnt cooperate in any way or let me make some minor changes to the place to get an appraisal. Now that I have been involved with this process I understand that there is no way that I could have gotten an appraisal. Because the heating was off and the furnace was unproven as well I was unable to occupy the building which meant a special insurance too.

Fast forward three months to May and the electricity is on. I replaced the service and the stack but not without having to navigate the ESA and utility companies. There is too much jargon for someone who had never gone through the motions before. One month after that and the water is on. Now we are entering the final stage. All the windows are intact. The bathroom is in, the kitchen is in, the painting is almost done. It has taken about four months with an average of three days working a week to get it to this point.

So what is the grand design? I bought the house primarily as a place for a studio. The selling points of the house is the way it is already divided into a lower apartment and an upper. The upper is a very pleasant living space which is not huge but has enough room. The lower area which has both a front door and a back door is the studio/gallery space. The house is commercially zoned though its last use was a hair salon.

The current upgrades include all new wiring, plumbing (it was ripped out the weekend I took possession). I put a fence around the property and put in a front porch.

I wouldnt suggest doing the house and studio thing this way. It was a terrible ride. Im afraid that most of the things that I went through no one could have warned me about. In the end though nothing that money couldnt fix. There are no major structural issues. Because it was gutted and the drywall wasnt up in most of the house I was able to inspect it and make sure that it was fine. Essentially an inspector can only tell you how they see it and are not necessarily going behind drywall and walls to find the real problems that have been covered up. The house has never received an addition or changes to its overall shape. This is a good thing and anyone who has watched the DIY shows it can be expensive, almost as much as putting in an addition.

Whats next? Stay tuned. I want to change the way houses are kept. House becomes the art.

Paul.

Cause and Effect

Last weekend I had an exhibition of my art work at Jane Motyka's gallery, Motyka FineArt.

It was very last minute, although I had been making the work for a while nothing was painted before the april 1st. So as usual I pushed myself to complete work in a very short period of time. My goals are not usually predefined when I begin a show. This time though I worked towards a new set of principles. The show that I had in March 2010, was a collection of pieces that were highly wrought, intense and dark. The colour pallette was rich and had a very murky atmosphere. This time around though I wanted to shake it up a bit.

My intention was to paint the show with a lighter brush. I wanted quick and loose treatments, watery layers of paint. I needed the paint to talk about the images as much as it was working towards unifying the separate images into a whole. The landscape slides and melts away leaving the image underneath. the thicker applications of paint slow down the slide, and certain areas are left without glazes. I worked hard to create a candy gloss over some of the pieces which was achieved by adding a layer of medium (alkyd, stand, linseed, spirits) before hand. The entire surface would then be painted. This, of course was an impressionist technique employed but not with as much glazing of transparent colour.

There were a number of questions about the work and what it meant. I didnt really head into the work with anything in mind. It is important to trace back to the first couple of series that I did. Essentially I felt that although each piece was a little different in colour and had different images embedded, it was still a part of a continuing narrative. An instructor that I had critique my work mentioned that it seemed like my work was very nomadic, always moving, never restive. Though always in the same vein. This has continued through to this series. I have been getting closer and closer to what the entirety of my collage work is about. I feel as though I am getting better at finding the images that inspire me and give me that spark that makes me work for the finished product.

What is the show about? It gets complicated because the art is about me and making the work as much as it is the narrative/content within the pieces. When i put my creative juices down to the panel and paper with scissor and brush I am working towards reassembling the world as I see it fit together. In a way this is fantastic musing, prophetic play. However in the same way it is also gibberish, repetitive and time wasting. I dont often sit back and wonder if the work will really communicate and reach the public convincing them of my fantastic future. When I play futurist it is by pure chance that any of it will come true. Sometimes if I talk about things that have happened it is just hindsight and derivative. What I am getting at is what is the point of using the images at all. there have been things that have been bothering me. I work through it by doing the work. there is a saving grace in that. I feel more free when I am not worrying about what kind of technique or material I am using. the collage made sense for a long time because I was able to manipulate it and cut it. this is what I now realize. The paint alone will not do it for me because I feel that there is nothing there for me. Just a question that will never be answered
So after all these circles what is left?

What I do know is that I used my skills to make a show from found images, developed an approach with the medium to match the time constraints and made the work as big as possible. It was the process of meeting a challenge that made a difference to the production and I felt as though I had accomplished something.

So here is what i know. I need to manipulate my materials. I need to use the skills that I have spent decades to hone in order to reach something "beautiful." I need to challenge myself. Just simply producing an exhibit of work is not enough unless I have grown and learned something. I I am not interested in creating work that simply confuses the public as much as I want to create something that makes them admire. this is what pushes me.

What I also realize now is that I carry all of the skills that I have developed which means that I am able to call upon them at any time. I need to vary the quality and materials of my work to keep growing and will go back to work that has past to find the qualities and the materials that I am looking for.

The next question is whether I will keep making collage and paintings the way that I have been doing for the last four years? Yes. though not with the same intent, intensity. I realize that I am looking for more and what that is I have not known yet, but always sensitive and waiting.

This is what the show was about. An artist at a precipice. angry at the system, angry at the art world. I make the work because I feel like this is what I should do and the effect is to come to terms with my art practice and get back into the studio. We learn from doing. This is cause and effect.

HotBox Riverwood

CALL FOR ARTISTS

HotBox Riverwood mentorship project is a professional development program to challenge artists to create temporary natural, site specific outdoor sculpture.

The HotBox Riverwood projects will be located on the grounds of Riverwood Park, 4100 Riverwood Park Lane, Mississauga, ON.

International artist Reinhard Reitzenstein will mentor artists selected to take part in this exciting transformative learning experience. Monthly meetings begin April 2011. The project will conclude with an exhibition in the Fall of 2011.

Application Deadline: March 31st 2011

To apply please send; 10 jpeg images of your work (size 72dpi) or website, a C.V. and a letter of interest to; HOTBOX24@LIVE.CA

Accepted selected artists will be contacted by HotBox Projects.

Morning,

Well I havent written anything for a little while. There are a few decent reasons but mostly I only sit down to do this when things reach some sort of breaking point. This is not one of those times and is instead a simple reminder to respond to the HotBox Riverwood call for artists.

If you are an artist in any medium we are asking that you apply to this call and become part of our project. It is an exciting opportunity to re-interpret public art through various mediums not restricted to sculpture. Pieces can be site or historically specific. This project is several years in the making which required hundreds of hours of coordination and planning as well as one pilot project in Joshua Creek. Thankyou Sibyl Rampen.

If anyone has any questions please feel free to contact me directly.

I will be posting more after next week as I am buying a house and will have plenty to talk about.

Paul.